I have never conceived of my Shepard as myself. Perhaps an extremely idealized version of myself in some ways - the “this is what I would choose if I were in this situation” mentality. A lot of my personal traits crop up in my Shepard, magnified: the desire to do good, exasperation at ignorance, a carefully held-back desire to knock people’s heads together when they’re being stupid …
But my Shepard was not me. There was something fundamentally not-me about her, and I thought that was one of the reasons I loved her so much: she was me, and not-me, and a powerful woman to whom, in some backwards way, since I ‘made’ her, I could look up.
And then I went to IMC this week [a few weeks ago] (the International Music Camp), where I interned with the drama instructors, and the coordinator described me thusly: “someone who has a wonderful “what more can I do?” attitude.” I was touched, since I hadn’t felt like I was doing much more than what I considered my job.
I was in my car, listening to “M4 (Part II)”, by Faunts, which plays at the end of the first Mass Effect, and which always gets me thinking about my ME Shepard OTP (which is Shakarian in case you’ve been under a rock :P). Mass Effect, and Commander Shepard, and all the other characters in this vast amazing universe, often get me thinking about life and its meaning and our place in the universe …
and then those sentences popped into my head. ”What more can I do?” … and then, “This is my job.”
I realized that those two sentences described my Shepard perfectly. She sees it as her job to do everything in her power to make the universe a better place. And I sort of feel like that’s my job, too, as an artist and as a human being.
Suddenly I had universes colliding, and I had a moment of mental vertigo. Commander Shepard - my Commander Shepard - was never really meant to be me. But she is me, in a way. In many ways.
Or, perhaps, she is a woman whom I would like to resemble in some ways as I grow older and mature.
I think we see ourselves in all well-crafted characters, and so I can’t say I’m terribly surprised that I’ve started seeing Shepard in myself, and myself in Shepard. But the way it happened … was just so … backwards.
Alright, musings over. (Not really. There will be/have been more. Just not here.)
Showing posts with label IMC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IMC. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Thursday, June 30, 2011
IMC, day 4
Wednesday started to get crazy. I spent a lot of time running around, and got inducted into a group as one of the campers had to return home. I also rehearsed with my pianist, who only seemed to get fast or slow tempi (a bit annoying but she had all of a day to get the piece down), and then performed in the evening.
The performance went rather well. I did not sing as well as I had in rehearsal (I think I was nervous), but in the recording my running out of breath just sounds like a really, really effective decrescendo/crescendo. So that was nice. I got a lot of compliments from the campers, some of whom were just stunned by my vocal ability, which was really touching. I'm not the best by any means, but open praise from people who admire me is a great boost for me.
I also taught some really simple vocal technique to the kids yesterday - the natural position of the spine, what your diaphragm does, how your head should sit on your shoulders and where your shoulders should hang ... the really, really simple stuff. Apparently I did a good job, because the kids' vocal production got at least three times better in the space of about half an hour. Sometimes it's nice to teach ...
The one-man performance by one of the drama instructors was really interesting. It was an autobiographical story involving himself, NFL quarterback John Elway, and the instructor's alcoholic father. It was profound, funny and touching, and I really enjoyed it.
Ach, I think I have more to write, but I'm forgetting in my haste. I have work to do before the next session starts at one, and I'm leading that session, and then my boyfriend is coming out to visit ... go go go, Emily, and don't melt in the heat!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
IMC, day 3
Today had a bit more movement to it.
I helped out with image theatre and stage combat, fitting in where the groups were odd-numbered, and I kept order during the rehearsal for the musical number. I pressed Play often during the Silent Scene rehearsal, and wrote notes during the poetry rehearsal, and planned my warm-ups for Friday. I went over the warm-ups once, to make sure they were 20 minutes, and I found a pianist for tomorrow night.
I don't count as faculty here, so I can't perform at the faculty recital, and I didn't bother asking if I could perform at the student talent night (I'm not a camper, it's their place). The drama instructors think I ought to perform somewhere, so they've asked me to perform tomorrow night when one of the instructors does a one-man show. So yeah! I'm singing The Girl in 14G - hopefully I'll be awake and warmed-up enough to hit the high notes in quick succession. :) Even if I don't I'm sure they'll think it's good. I'm feeling pretty confident.
I also helped out a bit with the choosing of the groups for the showcase, and I will be doing sectionals for the musical number to help with simple vocal technique. I'm looking forward to that, although I'm a bit nervous about it. I don't want to teach too much, but I don't want to let them go without things that will help them. Fingers crossed ...
I am very, very tired, so I think I am going to go to bed early tonight. Maybe go read for a bit ...
Monday, June 27, 2011
IMC, day 2
Monday was pretty calm. Woke up a bit later than I meant to, but it worked out okay. It turns out that there are more people here at camp who remember me than I thought there would be - there are at least five or six campers who were at camp when I was, which was pretty cool. A couple of them did a bit of a freak-out when they saw me in the breakfast line, which I found kinda touching. :)
After breakfast, I met up with the instructors one-by-one, and we all touched base, said hello, nice to see you again, etc. This morning, I ended up helping out with the stage combat workshop, and then being a tech for a large group activity (I pressed Play, and Stop, in succession). Good to learn the ropes ... and to find that I haven't forgotten all the stuff I learned when I was here, three/four years ago ... sheesh, I feel kinda old now. That's weird.
I had lunch with my friends, feeling distinctly at-home in the drama-camp atmosphere (about time I came back here, it feels so good), and then had a short break where I untangled all my necklaces. The afternoon consisted of helping out with an image theatre workshop (acting with senses and such, exploring the human mind as it relates to the body) and then observing another large group activity. I then stapled music together, figured out part of the piano accompaniment to said music, and went to dinner. Dinner is served absurdly early here ... the faculty eats at 4.45, the campers at 5. It's so that we have one more hour of class/rehearsal before the evening activities, but still, you end up hungry again ...
I had dinner with the faculty (which is really weird after you've been a camper ... not waiting in line? what?), and then went to the staff lounge (sheesh, it's like I work here or something) to see if I could get some Internet going. My laptop's wireless card is dead as a doornail, so I have to plug a LAN cable in somewhere. Luckily I managed it, and it really only depends on whether or not someone is using the communal desktop, which is easily worked around. So many people here have laptops - there are nine in the room right now, as I type. It's crazy. We're all connected, even out here.
I found out, during my brief stint on the Interwebs, that I may have a job lined up for July and August, living with my grandmother a couple hours north of where I am now. It's probably my best bet for a job right now, as I kind of doubt I will be able to land anything when I go back to Winnipeg at last, but I was given so few details that I don't want to say an unqualified yes.
The final hour of class today was the introduction and learning of the group musical number (the music which I stapled earlier), which went quite well ... not too surprising, as probably 90% of the drama kids already knew it rather well. It's Seasons of Love, from Rent ("Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes ... " etc).
After that final hour of class, I went back to the faculty lounge (where I sit now) and called my grandmother via Skype (long-distance pay-phone fees are exorbitant) to get more details about this potential job ... and of course she was not there, or did not hear the phone. I left a message and said I'd call back. So I will. Soon. I'm not exactly looking forward to the reaction of my younger sisters, if I end up getting this job - they will not be impressed that I may not be coming home this summer ...
After breakfast, I met up with the instructors one-by-one, and we all touched base, said hello, nice to see you again, etc. This morning, I ended up helping out with the stage combat workshop, and then being a tech for a large group activity (I pressed Play, and Stop, in succession). Good to learn the ropes ... and to find that I haven't forgotten all the stuff I learned when I was here, three/four years ago ... sheesh, I feel kinda old now. That's weird.
I had lunch with my friends, feeling distinctly at-home in the drama-camp atmosphere (about time I came back here, it feels so good), and then had a short break where I untangled all my necklaces. The afternoon consisted of helping out with an image theatre workshop (acting with senses and such, exploring the human mind as it relates to the body) and then observing another large group activity. I then stapled music together, figured out part of the piano accompaniment to said music, and went to dinner. Dinner is served absurdly early here ... the faculty eats at 4.45, the campers at 5. It's so that we have one more hour of class/rehearsal before the evening activities, but still, you end up hungry again ...
I had dinner with the faculty (which is really weird after you've been a camper ... not waiting in line? what?), and then went to the staff lounge (sheesh, it's like I work here or something) to see if I could get some Internet going. My laptop's wireless card is dead as a doornail, so I have to plug a LAN cable in somewhere. Luckily I managed it, and it really only depends on whether or not someone is using the communal desktop, which is easily worked around. So many people here have laptops - there are nine in the room right now, as I type. It's crazy. We're all connected, even out here.
I found out, during my brief stint on the Interwebs, that I may have a job lined up for July and August, living with my grandmother a couple hours north of where I am now. It's probably my best bet for a job right now, as I kind of doubt I will be able to land anything when I go back to Winnipeg at last, but I was given so few details that I don't want to say an unqualified yes.
The final hour of class today was the introduction and learning of the group musical number (the music which I stapled earlier), which went quite well ... not too surprising, as probably 90% of the drama kids already knew it rather well. It's Seasons of Love, from Rent ("Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes ... " etc).
After that final hour of class, I went back to the faculty lounge (where I sit now) and called my grandmother via Skype (long-distance pay-phone fees are exorbitant) to get more details about this potential job ... and of course she was not there, or did not hear the phone. I left a message and said I'd call back. So I will. Soon. I'm not exactly looking forward to the reaction of my younger sisters, if I end up getting this job - they will not be impressed that I may not be coming home this summer ...
VISI, day 24/IMC, day 1
Sunday was crazy on several levels.
The airport in the morning was terrible. I arrived an hour and a half before my flight - cutting it close, but who's flying early on a Sunday morning? Answer: everyone who takes forever to go through a line. I waited in lines and got rerouted until 9.10 ... which was ten minutes before my plane was supposed to take off. During that time, I had to make a frantic phonecall home, as I was going to be stuck if I couldn't pay the fine for my extra bag (which was more than I had originally been told to pay, which was the number I had planned for). I ran to security, waited another five minutes, and then of course had my bag searched, because it was full of electronics. I bolted to the gate. They'd held it over for me. I boarded the plane a few minutes after it was supposed to take off, and of course I happened to be sitting in a wing seat, so they had to take a minute to explain the emergency exit procedure, and then we finally took off.
The flight was uneventful, apart from the very friendly Japanese man beside me who thought that everything in the movie he was watching was hilarious, and therefore never stopped laughing or sighing or making little noises of approval ... you know. Which is fine. In moderation. He never stopped. I had my headphones on most of the way, but it was still a bit of a sticking point ...
Upon arriving in Winnipeg and greeting my family (and friends who had come), I was informed that my luggage had not made it onto the plane that I had boarded, and was coming on the next flight from Vancouver. Sigh. I decided to wait, rather than have it shipped to me out at the border, so we waited until six ... and then left Winnipeg at seven ... for a three-hour drive. My boyfriend had agreed to take me out to the camp I was working at for this week, so that we'd have time to talk - that way, my parents didn't have to pile the kids into the car for a six-hour drive, nor did they have to use extra vehicles ... it worked out. Also, my boyfriend lives relatively close to the camp (closer than my parents anyway), so there's that, too.
On the drive, he and I had a two-hour conversation about the ethics, philosophy and theory of artificial intelligence - from a purely theoretical, mostly non-scientific standpoint, since neither of us are experts in the actual scientific field. Ethics made up a large part of the conversation - questions about the ethics involved, questions about human-AI interaction, and so on and so forth. Not many answers to the questions, but plenty to think about. Lots of hypotheticals thrown around, and many references to various science-fiction scenarios, ranging from the inimitable Asimov all the way to Mass Effect, Halo and Portal. Fascinating, fascinating stuff.
Upon reaching the camp, I checked in at the main office and found my little room. I unpacked as quickly as possible, as my roommate was rather tired, and went to bed. I'm rooming with the creative writing intern. She's far more qualified than I am. XD Oh well.
The airport in the morning was terrible. I arrived an hour and a half before my flight - cutting it close, but who's flying early on a Sunday morning? Answer: everyone who takes forever to go through a line. I waited in lines and got rerouted until 9.10 ... which was ten minutes before my plane was supposed to take off. During that time, I had to make a frantic phonecall home, as I was going to be stuck if I couldn't pay the fine for my extra bag (which was more than I had originally been told to pay, which was the number I had planned for). I ran to security, waited another five minutes, and then of course had my bag searched, because it was full of electronics. I bolted to the gate. They'd held it over for me. I boarded the plane a few minutes after it was supposed to take off, and of course I happened to be sitting in a wing seat, so they had to take a minute to explain the emergency exit procedure, and then we finally took off.
The flight was uneventful, apart from the very friendly Japanese man beside me who thought that everything in the movie he was watching was hilarious, and therefore never stopped laughing or sighing or making little noises of approval ... you know. Which is fine. In moderation. He never stopped. I had my headphones on most of the way, but it was still a bit of a sticking point ...
Upon arriving in Winnipeg and greeting my family (and friends who had come), I was informed that my luggage had not made it onto the plane that I had boarded, and was coming on the next flight from Vancouver. Sigh. I decided to wait, rather than have it shipped to me out at the border, so we waited until six ... and then left Winnipeg at seven ... for a three-hour drive. My boyfriend had agreed to take me out to the camp I was working at for this week, so that we'd have time to talk - that way, my parents didn't have to pile the kids into the car for a six-hour drive, nor did they have to use extra vehicles ... it worked out. Also, my boyfriend lives relatively close to the camp (closer than my parents anyway), so there's that, too.
On the drive, he and I had a two-hour conversation about the ethics, philosophy and theory of artificial intelligence - from a purely theoretical, mostly non-scientific standpoint, since neither of us are experts in the actual scientific field. Ethics made up a large part of the conversation - questions about the ethics involved, questions about human-AI interaction, and so on and so forth. Not many answers to the questions, but plenty to think about. Lots of hypotheticals thrown around, and many references to various science-fiction scenarios, ranging from the inimitable Asimov all the way to Mass Effect, Halo and Portal. Fascinating, fascinating stuff.
Upon reaching the camp, I checked in at the main office and found my little room. I unpacked as quickly as possible, as my roommate was rather tired, and went to bed. I'm rooming with the creative writing intern. She's far more qualified than I am. XD Oh well.
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