some thoughts on marriage

Preface: I've been in a relationship for just over four and a half years now, and have probably thought about marriage way more than a lot of people do in day-to-day life.  I'm just now starting to puzzle out what marriage means to me, and write a little bit of that down.  You're free to disagree with me, of course.  I think the meaning of marriage can differ depending on your personal situation, your culture/history, etc.  So these are the thoughts of one Caucasian, Canadian, Christian woman nearing the end of her teens.  They may or may not apply to you, and that's okay.

What is marriage, anyway?  A commitment between two people to be the other's partner, companion, friend - a promise to seek to fill the other's needs, directly or indirectly; a promise to guard and protect the other; a promise to love, cherish, adore, and respect the other as an individual - to uphold them with respect and love through any means possible. Marriage is a commitment to be steadfast when the other is weak, to love unconditionally through all the different permutations of love and life, to stand between the other and the world if they need a shield, or to have their back when they take on the world.

Marriage is accepting that it's never going to be perfect, but you want the other at your side, at your back, taking point, through all the imperfections.  Marriage is choosing to put the other first, and trusting that the other has your best interests at heart, and will do the same.  Marriage is trusting the other with every aspect of your life.

Marriage is living with a friend, near or far, physically and mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  Marriage is knowing the other is thinking about you.  Marriage is choosing to take on the world as a pair, rather than alone.

domesticity (or rather, the connotations thereof)

Domesticity is a funny word.  Does it mean powerlessness, or empowerment?  I suppose it depends on your personal bent.  I think it can be either.  For the person who needs to be out and about, domesticity can be deadly to the spirit; for the person who seeks a home ground, a safe haven, a place of their own design, then domesticity can be a godsend.

But don't we all want a home?  I would argue yes, but I would also put forward that home can have many definitions.  Home is where the heart is, after all, and if your heart belongs on the road, or on the sea, then a bungalow with a white picket fence just won't do.

How does one seek their home?  I have always sought escape.  From where, what - life? responsibilities? anxiety? depression? yes.  To where, what? ... Good question.  Isolation.  Art.  Intelligence.  A place where I am unafraid.  That is home - where you are unafraid to express yourself.  

I wonder how many artists are ever truly home, in their heart of hearts, in their soul.  

There is beauty in so many things.  There are no confines to beauty.  On beauty.  Beauty has no limits.  We see beauty differently.  And isn't that terrifying?

VISI, day 3

I am having a particularly difficult evening, in spite of the fact that the day was quite good, so I don't know how this is going to go ... 

This morning was fine.  Breakfast, then I bussed to a church I picked that was nearby and enjoyed a wonderful service.  I will definitely be going back next week; very welcoming atmosphere and an intellectual, challenging and profound sermon.  

I then went back to the university and met with my pianist for the first time: we practiced for half an hour and I think we will work well together.  I am definitely less experienced than she is, but that is alright ... we are all learning.

After practicing, I attended the VISI opening session.  After a brief presentation from the performance psychologist attending the conference, the artistic director talked about the philosophy behind art song theatre, which is, in short, turning the very cerebral performance form of art song into ... theatre.  Basically, you take away the old traditions of standing very primly and singing from the piano, and turn it into the real story that it was likely meant to be in the first place.  

The second lecture of the day was on collaboration and the fact that it is really an art.  Some interesting insights on technique and artistic interpretation, but not much to detail here.  After this, we did half an hour of icebreaker games, highlighting the difference between competition and collaboration.  This was a lot of fun.

The final lecture of the day was very thought-provoking.  It was delivered by Max Wyman, author of The Defiant Imagination: Why Culture Matters.  You should definitely go read this book.  Just Google it.  He discussed how the imagination is really the centre of the whole human experience, and as a result of this, so too should our societies be.  Alas, this is not the case.  It was slightly odd to have one's soul explained so concisely and clearly - a bit off-putting, to tell the truth.  I was not unhappy when I left the lecture hall, but I was slightly off-kilter.  I still have not managed to get back into kilter, if that's even a valid term.

I went back to my room and ate some supper, and pondered.  My ponderings have led me, for the moment, into a very dark place of not knowing what path is best to take right now, and who can join me on it, and why some may and some may not, and what kind of person I need as a companion, and whether to not it is a good idea for others to be such, for me, in the first place.  In so pondering, I have hurt someone very close to me ... and so now, I am very dark.

I hope the morning sun will bring more happiness.

In related news, I am feeling like I cannot limit myself to one art form.  Perhaps that will make me happy.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that I will never, ever feel complete.  And that bothers me to no end.